When I first started out on the natural path I had sooooo many misconceptions about what to expect.  Of course there were the negative myths that had been committed to memory over the years that everyone on this journey has to break through at one time or another; black hair isn’t “good” hair, straight hair is professional, natural hair equated to poor hygiene practices.  You all know the roll.  But those weren’t the misconceptions I’m speaking of.  Once I’d gotten to the point where I knew that my hair was just as beautiful in its natural state as it was when chemically relaxed, I began creating delusions of epic proportion that my maintenance practices would automatically result in Jill Scott type glory.  Having admired Jilly from Philly‘s tresses from a far for so many years, not because of the beauty of her styles but because of the apparent pride that emanates through her curls, when I stopped perming I was hyped up about getting to the stage where my hair could achieve such grandeurous states of design.  It wasn’t just Jill‘s coils I coveted, though.  Anytime I turned on the TV or saw a print ad that featured a woman rocking a well coiffed twist or braid out, or saw a natural sistah on the street sporting a fluffy fro or perfect puffs, I’d smile to myself and think, “Yeah…  That’s going to be me one day.”  But no matter how I manipulated my locks, how well I cared for them or how much I nurtured them, I just could not duplicate Jill‘s or Erykah‘s or even the lady on the Walmart commercial’s look on my own head.  Either my hair wasn’t long enough or it was too soft to hold the style, my curl wasn’t defined enough or the product didn’t work as promised.  The disappointments at not being able to get my hair to “act right” caused me to hate my hair for awhile, and for a very hot minute, had me undressing the yellow and purple Motions containers with my eyes whenever I saw them at my local beauty supply store. *lol*

I think all new naturals go through that stage.  As with anything, it’s really easy to foster unrealistic expectations of an experience if you’re only seeing the end result of it.  That is especially true when it comes to the natural hair experience.  It’s really easy to become discouraged when you put your time and effort into creating dynamic styles only to have them come off less than the perfection you desired.  I think this is part of the reason for the belief many hold that natural hair isn’t for everyone.  But the point many naturals (and non-naturals as well) miss is there is no one natural journey that is alike.  Because each of us possesses a different hair type and texture, it is our hair that has to be the standard when we style and maintain our hair.  Because each of the hairs on our head are as diverse as our individual spirits, we can only hope to get close to another’s results in their journey, and must learn to appreciate the ability of our hair for what it can do, not what we’d like it to do.  This can only be achieved by embracing the “now” of your journey and spending time to appreciate it while learning your hair at each stage.  Only through knowing your hair will you be able to realistically achieve styles that compliment you while displaying the unique glory of you.

During an interview with M. Michele George, author of The Knotty Truth, Chele, who has a head full of beautifully formed locs that lay well past her shoulders, we touched on this topic.  She recounted the numerous compliments she has received on her hair as it is now, and the various times she’s heard someone  say “I can’t wait till my hair gets to that point.”  While she appreciated the compliments, Chele never hesitated to keep it real with the commenter, advising them to go back and view the various pictures that showed the progress that led her up to the gorgeous locs she sports now.

“Whenever I tell someone to look at my progress during each step, they always thank me.  What many don’t realize is it’s all a journey.  In order to get here I had to go through the ‘unpretty’ stages of forming the locs, learning to tighten and maintain them… It was not easy, but it was going through those stages that brought me into an appreciation for my hair on its terms.”

There is nothing wrong with loving up on a fellow natural’s style and waiting to achieve it for yourself, but be mindful that your results may not be the same as hers (or his) because you are two different people with two different heads of hair and a multitude of other differing factors.  This goes quadruple for envying the style of your favourite celebrity, who has an entire glam squad in their employ to help them achieve their styles.

As with all things on the journey styling comes with patience, practice and knowing your hair.  Staying mindful of this will help keep you from getting discouraged when your attempts miss the mark of your expectations.

Healthy Hair Wishes,