Yes, I know.  We’ve been through this before.  I disappear then come back with promises to be more diligent.  And then I disappear again.  Well that can best be explained by saying that after four years of being natural and three years of running this Blog, the novelty has run out of the whole process.  I mean, I still love my natural tresses with an unadulterated passion but… The over-saturation of the “market” gets to be a bit too much to compete with on a daily, or even weekly basis.  Of course I’ve said this all before so I won’t bore you all with the details but I’m sure those of you who’ve started hair care Blogs and “abandoned” them understand.  I really don’t want to give up on the Blog since 1. I paid for the URL for another year and 2. I enjoy sharing information about natural hair care.  So I guess I’ll keep up appearances with posts about new products (which may come very sparingly since I don’t switch up very often) and maybe a rant or two.  Of course I plan to continue posting articles at the Columbus Natural Hair Examiner page in order to “keep up with the Joneses” (and make a little money in the process), so those posts will appear here too.  Other than that, I probably won’t be as active as I have in past years but at least I’ll stay somewhat current.

So what have I been up to?  Well I’m coming up on my one year anniversary at my day job and there are some very exciting changes coming down the pike that are sure to make our terminal shine.  To say I love my job would be an understatement so any additions that make it fun for me to be there and worthwhile coming back each day are welcome.  I’ve moved into my very own apartment after close to three years of living as a “room mate”, something I consider a major accomplishment (first time renter here… HOLLA!) and will allow my two youngest sons to move down with me.  Hair-wise, my tresses are healthy and abundant.  From root to tip my strands measure in at approximately 9′, unstraightened and my curl pattern seems to gain a bit looser grade with each inch gained:

That’s freshly washed hair in the pic, moisturized with a lil bit of grape seed oil.  My products as of late are water (if you consider that a product) coconut oil and/or grape seed oil, an occasional dab or two of Emmy’s Elixir (instead of the two aforementioned oils), Herbal Essence Totally Twisted shampoo and conditioner  (review coming soon) and Going Natural’s Herbal Styling Gel (second review coming soon as they’ve changed the formula).   I have tried Herbal Essence Tousle Me Softly Finishing Cream but not as an everyday option (review soon to come).   My regimen is wash and condition once a week, water and moisturize daily.  I detangle when I condition and not a minute before.  Nothing complicated or over the top.  I just let my hair do what it wants to do.  I don’t/won’t take any vitamins, do that 100 strokes thing or even experiment with a million and one styles because over the span of four years, my hair has trained me on what it likes, and I listen to it.

So that’s update in a nutshell.  I’m here, my hair is still growing and I’m still very much natural.

Healthy Hair Wishes…

I’ve never much been a fan of Essence magazine, primarily because I have never really been a member of their target demographic.  Sure I’m a contemporary, “young” Black American woman, which is supposedly their market but… Well, I’ve never been “trendy” and that’s who this publication caters to mainly.  I could give a care less about the products their paid advertisers push and I’m not trying to duplicate whichever flavour of the month celebrity’s lifestyle they’re trying to push so, in short, I’m just not that into them.

SIDENOTE: I’m really not into any pop-culture style magazines so this is nothing personal on my part.

I remember back in the day when my  mother had an active subscription to Essence and there were actual articles that spoke directly to the average Black American woman’s lifestyle platform.  As a young girl I would flip through and read said features and formulate opinions or educate myself on what was considered important to my particular subset of society because it was an honour, in my opinion, that a publication would dedicate itself to broadcasting the Black American woman’s agenda to the world.  I think this was back when Susan Taylor was the E-I-C back in the early eighties.  I can’t exactly remember at what point in time it was that Essence took a wrong turn at Albuquerque and began pushing the focus on convincing women that lives should echo that of pop stars and actresses instead of building wholeness by learning to accept and nurture themselves, but I do remember refusing to have any part of the magazine around the age of fourteen.  Over the years I’ve picked up a few issues here and there when I was bored at a doctor’s appointment or waiting my turn to get my hair fried but never returned to placing any real stock in Essence because I ceased seeing me within the pages.

Since I transitioned and natural hair has once again become a national “trend” I’ve noticed Essence taking a stab or two at covering the phenomenon.  Not surprisingly, each and every time they tried they failed at going any deeper than the surface.  They’d rehash old politics or do a spread on the latest singer/actress/cover model who took the plunge.  In their pages and on their Website they’d post picture upon picture of “must have” styles (usually those only achievable by a stylist) or advertise the latest product formulated for “nappy hair” (usually only those high end brands celebrities swear by) and create the illusion that they were really taking an interest in supporting women’s decisions to forgo chemical processing and return to their roots.  But of course it was all for show.  Typically the only “nappy hair” represented was on the heads of women with loose curl patterns, the products were way out of economical reach for the average consumer, or the articles published were lightweight op-ed pieces that never got to the heart of the matter.  They really don’t care, especially when you consider the large amount of money they receive from Black hair companies that push perms on every other page in the magazine.  So with all that being said, when I saw the cover of the November 2010 issue of Essence and my eyes took in the big, bold “Love Your Natural Hair” near the top, can someone tell me why I felt compelled to shell out $3.99 or my hard earned money for it?  Quite possibly I assumed that this time they were going to actually break past the surface of talking to celebs or celeb stylists and hit on some points that are worthy of note.  Maybe this time I thought they would have taken the wave of disappointed virtual groans from readers after each failed attempt to treat natural hair as more than just a passing fad, and were finally going to present some meat with the pop-culture instant potatoes.  Perhaps I was hoping they’d give me reason, even a small one, to feel good about this publication that purports to be a voice of the Black community.  Maybe I just wanted something to rant about since I haven’t done so in awhile. *lol*  Whatever the reason, I picked it up, handed my cash to the cashier and dove into the pages searching furiously for the feature.  I seriously deserve to be bitch slapped for that.

For those who have not had an opportunity to see the issue, or have not been graced with it via your subscription plan yet, I would like for you to prepare yourself for extreme disappointment.  Not even is there no meat present here for you to sink your teeth into, they didn’t use enough water in the instant potatoes!  For as large as the font was on the cover you would expect at least a full article or three to four pages of features, right?  Well aside from pictures, what has been published there would not have even filled a quarter of a newspaper page, and it was nothing more than regurgitated style spotlights that you could find on any of today’s natural hair Blogs FOR FREE!!!  Not only am I pissed because I’m out of four dollars for the equivalent of someone copy and pasting something I, Curly Nikki, Afrobella, the forums at Nappturality.com or any other hair/beauty/style Blogger have probably already covered years ago… I’m pissed because I was sucked in by them using a hot button, personal topic to get me to do it!  Strike one for their marketing execs because it’s so they’re getting to the point that they know if they slap the term “natural hair” on any issue, or place enough pictures of “natural hair styles” anywhere close to the magazine’s name and it’s guaranteed views.  Remember when they jumped on the bandwagon on Twitter Natural Hair Day only after the day was half gone and we every day ordinary people had spent the whole day tweeting about it?  And even still the “feature” was scant and full of links back to their half-baked “natural hair” articles.  They don’t get the point that for many this is not just a fad or a trend or a way to get attention, and we deserve better than smoke and mirror articles or a flash in the pan “spotlight” if they want to use our lifestyle choice to sell issues.  So ladies, and gentlemen if you happen to be reading, Essence has gotten it wrong yet again when it comes to giving us Napturals a fair shake when it comes to putting our unaltered tresses in the spotlight.  And while many are thinking we should be happy any mainstream media  source is even taken the time to mention the topic, what they fail to realize is the topic has been mentioned repeatedly for the past decade or so, if not longer.  It’s past time for the mentions to become more than just blurbs to sell magazines which only tell the “glamourized” part of the journey.  Or maybe I’m expecting way too much. *Kanye shrug* Hasn’t been the first time.

Just my buck fiddy… since I would be able to get my three ninety-nine back.

Healthy Hair Wishes…

There’s been a bit of a movement over the summer to boycott Six Flags Amusement Park in Maryland because they “refused” to hire a woman due to her hair style choice.  The hair style choice in question was Dreadlocks.  This decision set off waves of protest throughout the African-American natural hair community who saw it as a civil rights infringement and an act of racial discrimination.  I have been on the fence concerning this primarily because from a personal point of view, Six Flags would not be a place I’d personally apply for employment whether I was natural or relaxed.  But being that I can’t assess a national movement based on my personal perspective, I held off on my opinion, and/or support, because I know it’s bigger than me and my hair per se.  However as the months rolled on and more naturals began to join the campaign I felt drawn to speak on it via comments on certain forums and posts.  I could not understand how this could be tagged as a racial issue, which I expressed at some length on this entry on Change.org’s Race in America Blog:

I am wondering, considering dreadlocks can be worn via more than just African-American hair types, is the rule strictly related to African-American women with locks or locks period?  While I understand there are a lot more African-Americans who wear the style than whites or other races, since other races are capable of wearing the style isn’t it somewhat pretentious to make this strictly about race?  It would only be considered racist if a person of another race was hired for the position while wearing locks and the African-American woman was not due to wearing them.  Honestly, locks are a style choice, not how African-American hair grows naturally.  Had the woman been denied employment for wearing an Afro that would be another argument altogether because that is how African-American hair grows and it’s not a style that can be authentically duplicated by other races. 

Quite honestly, we need to look at this for what it really is.  Six Flag and other corporate entities have a standard for the employees they wish to hire, and according to that standard they have a specific "grooming" preference for representatives of their enterprise.  This is not discriminatory, this is business, and while it may leave a select subset of society out of consideration when it comes to hiring, it is that companies right (especially if they are a private corporation) to hire who they feel looks the part.  This is no different than a physical dress code issue from my perspective.  I don’t understand how we can look at this as an infringement on the civil rights of an individual without also seeing it as an infringement on the right of the company to hire (or not hire) whoever they choose based on their standards.  Just as we have a choice to wear our hair however we want, companies have a choice to not hire us if our choice is outside of what they deem acceptable. *shrug*  This is not to say I side with the company but if I were in there position I know I definitely have a certain ideal of how I want my employees to represent me.

I say all this as a proud natural hair wearer who sports a blossoming TWA to my workplace ever single day and have never heard a peep from supervisors.  As a matter of fact, I interviewed with the exact style I wear every day and made sure more emphasis was place on the skill sets displayed on my resume than the follicles that sprouted from my head.  Quite personally, if I were faced with the same exact situation I’d take the denial as proof that I didn’t need to be employed by such a closed minded corporation in the first place because if the are petty enough not to hire me simply because of how I wear my hair then there is sure to be more drama than a little bit on the other side of the employment divide.

Call me a “race traitor”, revoke the Black card I already gave away many years ago and stop following me on all my social media mediums but, all I’m saying is, Mohawks are also forbidden at Six Flags… I don’t see anyone boycotting that as racist agenda.  Or maybe it’s just me. 

I don’t mean to belittle anyone’s feeling for this plight or to say fighting for it is a lost cause, but in my opinion the premise is a bit skewed.  I think we use the R-card a little bit too loosely.  Quite realistically the Six Flags policy is a bit antiquated but to call it racially discriminative is a bit unfair.

What say you?

Healthy Hair Wishes!

Wow!  It’s been a months since I updated because I really haven’t been feeling the whole “natural hair thing” much lately.  All the pomp and circumstance and ceremony and making life revolve around products and styling just became too much to want to deal with.  And the energy in some of the “communities” is just draining with the on going debates of what is natural and what isn’t or who is more natural than who and the cult-like following of what celebs are jumping on the natural bandwagon.  We all “go natural” for our own reasons, and I don’t want to be the one to say one person’s motivation is more “worthy” of note than another’s but… Well… I didn’t want to be a part of the superficiality of it all.  My life is about more than just the kinky mop that sits atop my head and I was ready to break out of the box.  In tandem with that, I really wasn’t feeling as if I was paid much attention to anyway, outside of a handful of my nappy peers (yeah I’m looking at you Sistah Chick, Chele, Njemile, Laquita, Dawn and Jaye!) so I figured i wouldn’t “waste” the energy anymore.  Of course those aren’t the only reasons for my “break”.  There were more than a few pressing personal matters that needed my full attention more than this Blog or my Examiner column did, so I had to step away.  And that meant stepping away from all aspects of the phenomenon, including Twitter, the Napturalite Radio Community and Facebook.  Even my Email account was getting the shaft.  I just didn’t want to deal with it anymore.

But a funny thing seems to always happen when I want to step away.  A random reader contacts me with “news” that makes it all worthwhile again.  I’d gotten a notion to check my Email to see if anything inspiring had floated my way and indeed it had, in the form of a reader writing to let me know that JB2M was featured as one of Spa Beauty Schools’ Top 50 Hair Blogs.  In addition to that, Mireille Liong-A-Kong had contacted me about a paid opportunity to contribute to Going Natural Magazine.  Kinda gave me a Michael Corleone type sensation but both Emails where just the perk-me-up I needed to become motivated again.  Seems the Universe is reminding me that I do have something worthy to contribute amidst the natural hair madness and there are people out there who look forward to it.  Even if I never really see it.  So I guess that means I gotta pick up the virtual pen again and get back in the swing of things, which I will do with pleasure!

So what’s been up with me lately?  Well… As you can tell from the above pic my hair is almost back to pre-BC length, which I would have never realized had I not had the inclination to press it a couple of days ago.  That there is ~5’of new growth from the ~1’ in started with back in September of ‘09, and ~2’ from where I was in February of this year:

All together I’m looking at ~6’ from root to tip all the way around.  This discovery actually shocked me because I had no idea I’d gained that much growth in such a “short” span of time.  On average, hair growth at a rate of 1/4’ per month so the gain proves my hair grows way faster than average.  I’ve had people comment that my hair grows fast, to which I pretty much said “peeshaw”. *lol* But to actually see it with my own eyes is utterly amazing!  And to think, I was on the cusp of performing another BC because my growth had changed the “pattern” of my curls and WNG’s weren’t working as well for me anymore.  As much as I don’t like to do the “heat” thing, I’m glad I gave in to the urge to press my hair or I may have never really known how much was up there. *lol* My routine has stayed pretty much consistent with me alternating avocado-coconut milk conditioner washes with shampoo’ing and conditioning using Kinky-Curly’s Come Clean and Knot Today, spritzing every morning with water and Yonnea’s Natural Beauty’s Honey Hibiscus Leave N Condish and finger styling with a bit of Going-Natural’s Silky Shea Aloe Butter.  Every now and again (maybe once every other week) I’d oil my hair with Yonnea’s Natural Beauty’s GPS Oil (review coming soon) and smooth my edges down with Going-Natural’s Herbal Styling Gel, but other than that I’ve pretty much kept my product usage to a bare minimum.  The only time I applied heat to my hair were on the two occasions documented in the pictures here and my style has been WNG’s.  I really haven’t trimmed my ends very much at all since doing the BC but did so when I pressed my hair both times and I have experienced very little shedding (well, no more than usual) and absolutely NO split ends.  Can’t really say any of this was a magic combination or anything but I can say a key element was keeping my hands out of my hair as much as possible. *lol*

So it’s almost been a year and I can honestly say the whole process was enlightening.  In the past ten and three quarter months I have learned what my hair likes, doesn’t like, how it grows, my curl pattern and what products work as it grows.  I’ve also learned a lot about myself and my perception of beauty which dispelled a lot of myths in the “long hair signifies femininity” department.  So it’s been an experience in self discovery from the inside out and I’m glad I mustered up the courage to undertake it.  It is a leg of the journey I highly recommend if you are so inclined.

What’s on the horizon for my natural hair “career”?  Well along with the features I plan to do, I still need to do a review of Chris-Tia Donaldson’s “Thank God I’m Natural” as well as a review for Lori Johnson’s “A Natural Woman”.  For my Examiner column I have an article featuring Minister Theresa Cloud Eagle’s Divine Essentials® Aromatherapy & Empowerment Tools on deck, will be covering the Nappturally Me Meetup Group’s one year anniversary as well as changing of name (they are now known as Ohio Naturals) format and organizers, can hopefully start an article about the Natural Sistas in Ohio Meetup Group, and just maybe, now that I have a job and can afford to see a stylist, can produce an article about the Synergi Salon experience.  I also may be revamping the Blog’s look and Twitter page as well as the CNHE Facebook Page.  So there’s big things in the works and I hope you all stick around for it all!

Healthy Hair Wishes!

I love Blogging.  Not just about hair, but about whatever hot topic comes to mind.  I’ve been an avid Blogger since back before Blogging and “citizen journalism” became as wildly popular as it is now because I like sharing my opinions and various resources.  When I started JB2M, even before I thought to use it as a way to document my own natural journey, I was interested in making the Blog an “information” clearinghouse of sorts because at the time information on transitioning and growing healthy hair and even how to receive support was scattered aimlessly across the Net.  Not only did I want my views and experiences to receive notice, I wanted to help promote some of the other ladies out there on the natural hair Blogging hustle as well which helps to lend a bit of diversity to the community.  This is why I started the Features and Spotlights entries and mention any natural Blogger I dialogue with if our interaction inspires a post.  I’m a natural humanitarian that way… pun intended, I guess. *lol*

With the boom in natural hair popularity taking over all media sources, the amount of natural hair Bloggers has seen an increase in the past couple of years.  Where at one time there were only a handful of Blogs geared towards naps and coils, now a Google search will result in over a million sites, a glorious phenomenon from the perspective of the natural newbie who now has a cornucopia of information to start their journey.  But on the same note, the oversaturation of the natural hair Blogging market creates an air of assumed competitiveness among many Blog creators.  Due to this there are a lot of natural hair Blog owners out here who are adamantly against sharing information unless it comes directly from their Websites, an act which painfully limits viable networking opportunities between “us”.  When I first noticed this was a reality I thought it was just a case of me being paranoid since I was so new to the game and hadn’t proven myself.  Now after close to three years I know that’s not that case at all.

The other week after I did an article highlighting Networked Blogs top 50 natural hair and beauty Blogs, the author of Natural Nina (number six on the list) mentioned that she shared my feelings on the whole non-networking element that exists within the natural hair community.  It felt good to finally know I wasn’t alone in seeing how disconnected many of us are and feeling that it did the community more harm than good.  I’d had several other idealistic conversations with other Blog creators over the years but much to my disappointment nothing ever seemed to change the status quo.  The majority of Bloggers continued to boost their Blogs’ popularity while “ignoring” the efforts of their sister publications.  It was either that or they only aligned themselves with the “high end” Bloggers, leaving the more common type sites to fend for themselves.  Both Nina and I agreed that it was unfortunate that things had to be this way, considering there is more than enough room on the Blogging stage for each of us to get time in the spotlight.  Although each of us are essentially talking about the same things, each of Blog brings a different perspective to the table in order to give natural hair newbies a wide range of options to choose from.  Whereas some of us speak strictly of our own experiences, a few Blogs combine general hair care with make up and fashion while others add a healthy food twist to give insight on how to nourish hair from the inside out.  Some sites focus on commercial products while others offer tips on creating homemade alternatives.  So from that perspective, Nina and I were convinced that the hoarding behaviour that goes on within the natural hair Blogging community does more to hurt than it does to help because it limits the resources available for others wanting to take up the journey.

As I work to spread the word about JB2M and my Examiner column I personally take time to help promote other Blogs as well because I truly believe in sharing the wealth.  Whether it’s a publication I personally follow or a link I happened upon that I found entertaining or enlightening, I either tweet it or share it on my Facebook page so that others can benefit.  Much to my chagrin, however, when it comes to returning the favour very few do so.  Oh there’s a whole lot of sharing trivial affirmations, celebrity gossip and personal #naturalhair blurbs, but on average a lot of my links are passed over like a hitchhiker on Route 666.  Case in point, I sponsored a giveaway a couple of weeks ago that was basically slept on for two weeks straight even though I worked my arse off prompting it. *kanye shrug* I’ve tried to keep a cap on my complaining about this in order not to sound like a whiny baby but… Enough is truly enough.  And I’m not just speaking for myself and my Blog.  I’m speaking for Bloggers like Nina and Krissy over at Addicted to All Things Pretty.  I’m speaking for sites like Chocolate Orchid and Une Autre Naturalle.  I’m speaking for all those little known natural hair spots that help educate just as much as the bigger names in the game.  I’m speaking for those of us who want to see our sisters shine alongside us instead of overshadowing each other because we know we are not in competition with one another.  I’m speaking for those of us who truly believe that the chink in the link between us hurts us all in the long run and are willing help repair it by banding together.

After chatting with Nina at length about this issue, I had the idea to start a coalition of Bloggers who’d like to change the tide and work towards loosing up the promotional reins so we can all have our place in the sun, because we all deserve it.  The aim would be for each member of the coalition to reach out and cross promote other member’s sites just as much as they do their own.  In this way, everyone receives a nod and appreciation for their efforts and, because we know readers are more apt to believe external endorsements, we’d each benefit by having someone else speaking about our Blogs.  So, it’s a win-win on various levels, right?  At the moment the idea is still in its concept stages but already I have Nina and the creators of Savvy Brown Blog, Coils, Kinks and Curls and All Day Natural on board which tickles me pink.  It may take a minute or two to work the format (it may just be a badge sharing network like the Top 100 Sista Site directory… with more interaction between members and without the popularity contest element) but it’s good to know there are other interested in the idea.  More details will be forthcoming as I coordinate things with the other creators and see what works best for us all. 

I’m really excited about this and hope we get a few more Bloggers in on the deal so if you are interested in joining the coalition or receiving updates about the progress simply drop a comment here or contact me via Email at amichelle@journeyback2me.com.

Healthy Hair Wishes,

When I first started out on the natural path I had sooooo many misconceptions about what to expect.  Of course there were the negative myths that had been committed to memory over the years that everyone on this journey has to break through at one time or another; black hair isn’t “good” hair, straight hair is professional, natural hair equated to poor hygiene practices.  You all know the roll.  But those weren’t the misconceptions I’m speaking of.  Once I’d gotten to the point where I knew that my hair was just as beautiful in its natural state as it was when chemically relaxed, I began creating delusions of epic proportion that my maintenance practices would automatically result in Jill Scott type glory.  Having admired Jilly from Philly‘s tresses from a far for so many years, not because of the beauty of her styles but because of the apparent pride that emanates through her curls, when I stopped perming I was hyped up about getting to the stage where my hair could achieve such grandeurous states of design.  It wasn’t just Jill‘s coils I coveted, though.  Anytime I turned on the TV or saw a print ad that featured a woman rocking a well coiffed twist or braid out, or saw a natural sistah on the street sporting a fluffy fro or perfect puffs, I’d smile to myself and think, “Yeah…  That’s going to be me one day.”  But no matter how I manipulated my locks, how well I cared for them or how much I nurtured them, I just could not duplicate Jill‘s or Erykah‘s or even the lady on the Walmart commercial’s look on my own head.  Either my hair wasn’t long enough or it was too soft to hold the style, my curl wasn’t defined enough or the product didn’t work as promised.  The disappointments at not being able to get my hair to “act right” caused me to hate my hair for awhile, and for a very hot minute, had me undressing the yellow and purple Motions containers with my eyes whenever I saw them at my local beauty supply store. *lol*

I think all new naturals go through that stage.  As with anything, it’s really easy to foster unrealistic expectations of an experience if you’re only seeing the end result of it.  That is especially true when it comes to the natural hair experience.  It’s really easy to become discouraged when you put your time and effort into creating dynamic styles only to have them come off less than the perfection you desired.  I think this is part of the reason for the belief many hold that natural hair isn’t for everyone.  But the point many naturals (and non-naturals as well) miss is there is no one natural journey that is alike.  Because each of us possesses a different hair type and texture, it is our hair that has to be the standard when we style and maintain our hair.  Because each of the hairs on our head are as diverse as our individual spirits, we can only hope to get close to another’s results in their journey, and must learn to appreciate the ability of our hair for what it can do, not what we’d like it to do.  This can only be achieved by embracing the “now” of your journey and spending time to appreciate it while learning your hair at each stage.  Only through knowing your hair will you be able to realistically achieve styles that compliment you while displaying the unique glory of you.

During an interview with M. Michele George, author of The Knotty Truth, Chele, who has a head full of beautifully formed locs that lay well past her shoulders, we touched on this topic.  She recounted the numerous compliments she has received on her hair as it is now, and the various times she’s heard someone  say “I can’t wait till my hair gets to that point.”  While she appreciated the compliments, Chele never hesitated to keep it real with the commenter, advising them to go back and view the various pictures that showed the progress that led her up to the gorgeous locs she sports now.

“Whenever I tell someone to look at my progress during each step, they always thank me.  What many don’t realize is it’s all a journey.  In order to get here I had to go through the ‘unpretty’ stages of forming the locs, learning to tighten and maintain them… It was not easy, but it was going through those stages that brought me into an appreciation for my hair on its terms.”

There is nothing wrong with loving up on a fellow natural’s style and waiting to achieve it for yourself, but be mindful that your results may not be the same as hers (or his) because you are two different people with two different heads of hair and a multitude of other differing factors.  This goes quadruple for envying the style of your favourite celebrity, who has an entire glam squad in their employ to help them achieve their styles.

As with all things on the journey styling comes with patience, practice and knowing your hair.  Staying mindful of this will help keep you from getting discouraged when your attempts miss the mark of your expectations.

Healthy Hair Wishes,

I woke up this morning with a vivid recollection of my introduction the comedic genius of Whoopi Goldberg, Dreadlocks and the “good hair vs. bad hair” debate.   The year was ’85 (or maybe it was ’86) and I was 12 (or maybe I was 13… I can’t remember *lol*).  My friend and cousins and I were enjoying a glorious summer day miles from Urbana in Leamington, Ontario (GO BIG TOMATO!!!), wandering aimlessly along the grounds of Strugeon Woods Campground waiting for the pool to open again (READ: being bored out of our minds).  To remedy our lassitude, my cousin Chris suggested we watch the  Whoopi Goldberg Direct from Broadway HBO comedy special his mother had taped, and knowing that our parents would not approve of  us viewing such racy material, he managed to “smuggle” the tape away for viewing at the home of my friend Michelle (whose parents were… uh… I dunno where they were, which is probably why we were all there *lol*).  While Fontaine was a riot, and the surfer chick, Kingston woman and handi-capable lady were all hilarious, the character I found most relatable was the little girl with the “long, luxurious blonde hair” that “cascacadaded” down her back (READ: a men’s white dress shirt she wore on her head).  Being that I was somewhat oblivious to hair as more than just something that sprouted from my head, I never gave myself a shirt weave as I was growing up.  But like Whoopi‘s character, I did desire to have long hair that “bounced and behaved” as Pert promised it would (ironically, my Canadian friends admire my hair type for its versatile texture – read more about that HERE).  As for Whoopi‘s actual hair, being as it was the first time I’d ever seen Locks, they were at first “weird” and “Buckwheat-ish” to my virgin eyes, but  I felt they suited her.  This memory was most likely brought to my consciousness because of the uneasiness I feel every time I look in the mirror and realize just how  big a leap I made when I took shears to my tresses ,and just how ill prepared I was for how it would affect me.

About a month or two ago, The Lion was playing music and happened upon a track called “Bald Headed Hoes” which was relatively popular among fans of Geto Boyz member Willie D back in ’89.  While listening to the lyrics, childhood taunts at girls who were not “blessed” enough to the African-American equivalent of long, flowing hair (picture Rudy Huxtable-like puffy ponytail twists) echoed through my memory.   While I was never in the “bald headed hoe” category myself, I was not immune to the stigmas those insults inspired.  Even when I dared wear my hair short (about the time that Toni Braxton and Nia Long made close cropped do’s ultra chic) I made sure my hair was always properly coiffed and left no question that I was “all woman” underneath the strands.  But now that I’ve gone natural and the longest part of my fro barely spans one and one half inches in length making me resemble my eldest son closer than ever before, those stigmas creep in and the chorus of that Willie D song becomes the soundtrack of my fears.

With all the talk of good hair vs. bad hair and natural vs. perm, I think the debate of long vs. short gets swept under the rug a bit.  But in my opinion it is no less a stigma in the politics that comprise black hair.  Along with straight hair, long hair has long been the adopted standard of beauty and the mark of femininity, and its counterpart (short hair) holds many of the same antiquated mental perceptions that are attached to nappy hair.  Of course this is not just a standard among women of colour, but one that we seem to struggle with more because out hair does not naturally grow according to this standard.  To help “us” achieve the feat of long and luxuriousness, an entire industry has been created to provide viable options such as wigs, full weaves and clip in pieces.  And this industry does not cater only to black hair that has been relaxed.  Oh nooooo!  Even nappturals with just enough hair to clip a barrette to can possess length to their tresses by adding hair to create braids, locks, twists and twist outs as we wait for our own hair to catch up to the standard. So now, even those of us with hair that grows “up” and refuses to “relax” can attain the goal what Whoopie‘s childish character could not; to have flowing hair that “cascacades” down our backs.

I think because the option to add hair isn’t necessarily damaging to what grows out of our heads organically — or as controversial in aspects of the reasons we speculate women do it — we don’t see the quest for long hair as that prominent an imputation as other statues of black hair politics.  But I counter that by saying.  Whenever a woman steps out with short hair (depending on the style), all sorts of assumptions about her and the reason for  her choice instead of sewing, gluing or braiding something in, run rampant.  Of course most of us never hear such negativity because those statements of wonderment are a lot more subtle than arguments made for or against chemical alteration, and short hair is a bit more accepted than it used to be.  But they are still there, mostly internally but a lot of times externally as well.  Just look at the shock and awe American had when it was assumed Michelle Obama compromised her length.

What say you, hair community?

Healthy Hair Wishes,

The other day while I was cleaning up my Blogrolls, when I happened on a link to a Youtube video on Lady Kinnks’ Blog titled “Nappy Ass Hair” and clicked on it out of sheer curiosity.  What I saw both enraged and saddened me.

Posted there on Youtube, for the world to see, was a recording of a relatively “young” mother performing an act of child abuse under the guise of combing the beautifully full head of hair of what I assume to be her multi-racial daughter.  For approximately five minutes and eight seconds, this mother, who’s facial expression was one of fury reserved for a legitimate beef with an adult, uses a plastic bristled paddle brush to savagely rake through the child’s “dry” hair, oblivious to any snags or snarls, in a fashion that makes my own scalp hurt in sympathy.  In addition to this atrocity, behind the camera is the child’s aunt OLDER SISTER engaging in a bevy of belly laughs, guffaws if you will, at the child’s expense as the mother pins the child to her leg, the floor and the couch while grabbing handfuls of the child’s hair, uttering such phrases as “Move your fucking hand!” and “I’ll fuck you up!” to the screaming girl who could not be more than six years old… if that.  If that isn’t enough, at about FIVE MINUTES and ten seconds of this five minutes forty-six second video, a little boy, who could be seen running back and forth in front of the  camera and was alternately taunted by the aunt older sister about his turn coming up, is enlisted to wrangle the child back to her mother after she successfully breaks away.  His attempts prove futile after ten seconds, so the mother has no other choice but to get up and pull the child by her arms back to the couch, where she continues her assault.  This time with a pick.

NOTE: If you can not tell from the still above, the video is pretty brutal so I will not post it or a link to it here, but if you really want to see it, Google the video title and Youtube and it will be the first result, if it’s still there by the time this is posted.

From what I gather the original video was flagged as inappropriate and yanked from the site, but apparently someone else* got a hold to it and uploaded it again.  As you could guess, aside from a few yokels the responses to this video, both in text and via video, were filled with anger and disbelief at the mother, as well as sympathy for this girl.  I personally was livid and had to fight to hold back tears for this child I don’t know from Adam’s house cat.  The first thing that went through my mind was how could this woman who gave birth to and raised this little girl 1. treat her so brutally, 2. allow other family members to stand by and encourage the abuse while ridiculing the child, and 3. agree to this being documented via video and uploaded to the Internet.  The second thing that went through my mind was, thanks to someone else feeling the need to rebroadcast this vicious attack yet not REPORT IT, will this be used as an example to others as to how black mothers handle their child’s “nappy ass hair”?  Honestly, what I really thought was, will this serve as an example as to how all black mother’s handle their children, period?

While it is painfully obvious this mother — whose hair looks relatively neat, well cared for and “freshly” permed — needs more than a few parenting lessons, or  better yet, to be taken outside and having her “hair treated in the same manner” (read that as a metaphor for having her ass kicked),  it is also evident that this woman could stand a lesson on how to properly detangle and brush her daughter’s hair.  As far as the detangling lessons, what’s sad is there are tons of tutorials on the very same site the video was posted on, and at least three video pleas for the woman to contact them personally show her how it’s done.  Chances are the woman will never see the comments (the video was uploaded in mid July… there’s not one response from her at all) and thereby never get help with taking care of the little girl’s hair or being a better mother.

Even though the immediate physical and verbal abuse is apparent within the video, one can’t help but imagine the perceptions this girl will take  of herself into her teen years and womanhood.  On top of the overall stigmas attached to ethnic hair that are already prevalent in society, with her mother treating her hair as if it is an abomination and an inconvenience, there is no doubt in my mind that unless there is an intervention to stop this sort of treatment, that beautiful little girl will grow up fostering a deep disdain for herself by virtue of how she views her hair.  More than the violent combing of the child’s hair, this is the point that bothers me the most.  I took me over 30 years to consciously to accept my hair just based on society’s belief that black hair is “bad” hair.  I couldn’t imagine how long it would have taken if I’d suffered any personal “attacks” on that pinpointed my hair specifically.  It’s like this baby doesn’t have a chance, and it’s because of her mother‘s actions that she’ll fight a personal battle, possibly for the rest of her life.  My heart bleeds for her, especially since the baby’s only means of defense is to kick and scream and yell “I hate you!” at assailant; her mother.

If you have a chance to view the video, tell a friend and spread the word.  Not just to get the video flagged, which I honestly think should not happen in the event that someone who knows this mother and child and may get them both the help they need.  But spread the word so that all of us who embrace ethnic hair, whether relaxed or natural, know that this type of stuff is still going on within our community, placing five more bricks on the wall of ignorance for every one we try to tear down.  Spread the word so that the jealousy involved in pitting “good” hair against “bad” hair loses just a bit more strength between us, and hopefully stops being passed from mother to daughter.  And, if you watch the video, please come back and tell me what you thought. It would be much appreciated.

NOTE: After reading this blog post on TheRoot.com I have been made aware that the “mother” and child are from my home city, which hurts my heart to no end and makes me really take this personal.  Fortunately, the authorities were alerted (this gives me hope that Detroit isn’t fully dead).  For more information, surf on over HERE.  KinkyKeeper with comment #30 says it better than I ever could.  And sadly, it seems there was more than one video taken of this horror show.

Healthy Hair Wishes,

* The someone else who posted the video after it was taken down by administrators had this to say:

“its just a trip how the girl is actin all that screamin and stuff and throwing stuff cuz she dont want her hair brushed the little girl is actin way over the top and the mother means no harm.”

I’m sure HE posted it thinking it would get him a laugh or two from the Black community.  And that is really a damn shame.

Before making my decision to transition, one of my trepidations about sporting natural hair was not being taken “seriously” for my efforts.  As most of us on the journey know, the process of “going natural” is a transformation not just of your hair, but of your mind and spirit as well, and it is a very serious undertaking.  But my basic concerns stemmed from the just how seriously a lot of naturals take not just their process, but the natural process as a whole.  Perusing the various natural hair forums I noticed that there seemed to be so many (unofficial) rules and regulations attached to it all.  Don’t use these products or don’t try this style.  Loc immediately or don’t you dare loc until you know the historical/spiritual reasons behind it.  And of course never, ever, ever, in any type of weather use heat to style or dry, and straightening your hair by any means is punishable by death!  And along with those “rules” came the rule enforcers, known as Hair Nazis, who picked up the naptural baton and ran with it so tough, they manage to mow down anyone who challenge the established Nappy Commandments.  Apparently to them, there is a definite right and wrong way to go natural… and woe to those who find themselves on the “wrong” path.  If you have ever encountered a brother or sister of the NHN variety, you can understand how intimidated they can make a natural newbie our searching for the way that’s best for them. It was almost enough to make me turn tail and forget “going natural” altogether.  Luckily, I didn’t.

When I finally made my decision I followed certain HN rules to the letter.  I ran from any product using mineral oil, I adopted the terms “creamy crack” and “chemical fire cream” into my lexicon, and in solidarity with my brothers and sisters going through the struggle, I (secretly) scoffed at any person of colour who took the chemical relaxer/texturizer route.  It was what I felt I had to do to fight the bill of being “natural.”  Because there are so many politics connected to African-American hair, and it is used as a definer of what it means to be “black”, there are many passionate opinions about how we wear our hair and what it says about us.  In the beginning, straight was the way of the hair world, and anyone  who did not “conform” to this view was seen as ignorant, unkempt and low class.  But as we came into our own and began to embrace the tresses G_d gave us, it seems the tables have turned.  Now it’s the nappturals who are looking down their noses at users of relaxers, claiming that because they choose to alter their hair selling out or self hating.  Seems a hypocritical turn of events to me, even when I was exhibiting such behaviours, but because “going natural” is such a passionate endeavor, it’s easy to understand how quickly one can become a Hair Nazi, and maintain that position throughout their journey.  But is it fair?

In the past year and a half I have relaxed a lot of my blanket opinions on the subject of hair.  As I’ve said, the natural process — no matter how you go about it — if a very personal one that will bring up self image issues you never thought you had.  As you learn your hair, you learn yourself and begin paying closer attention to just what your whole body (mind and spirit) need to be whole and authentic.  It is also a very time consuming undertaking with its search for just the right product or style and maintenance regimen, and can sometimes take over the lives of the undertaker.  And once they have found their very own Holy Grail of hair care and are loving their hair and yourself completely, it’s very easy for to take the enlightenment they’ve gained and try to apply it to everyone else who is walking the path “with” them.  The excitement bubbles over, and they are just sure what works for them is then end all, be all of the natural journey… totally forgetting that the natural process is a personal one, all across the board.  Not just because each of us has a different “grade” of hair sprouting from our scalps, but also because each of us has our own thoughts and feelings about what it means to go natural.  Even more, all of us have different thoughts and feelings about hair period, whether it be relaxing for manageability’s sake, texturizing for styling purposes or allowing it to exist in its natural state.  In that respect, who can really say which is the “right” way to wear your hair, or which is the “wrong” way to go natural?

In the realm of the natural journeyer specifically, because cultivating natural hair is such a personal practice, each person deserves the opportunity to experience it in a way that is best for them and them alone.  Incidentally, there is no right or wrong way to do this, there is only what works for their particular hair type, lifestyle and personality because all are as different as our hair composition.  Contrary to popular belief, not all of us are poetic songwriters, not all of us are uber Pro-Black and anti-establishment, not all of us desire locs or Afros, and sometimes some of us like the versatility of our hair temporarily straightened.  Furthermore, when it comes to products, many commercial items that contain those “no no” ingredients most HN’s sneer at work just fine for natural hair and have been for the entire journey of some, so they feel if the routine ain’t broke they shouldn’t fix it.  I agree with them.  If you have found the path that fits you, that is wonderful.  Now allow others to do the same.  Offering advice here and there when a question is posed to you is helpful, but providing a dissertation of just why you swear by Miss Jessie’s Curly Pudding and why anyone who uses any other product is going to Black Hair Hell in a hand basket is not a good look.

I guess, in conclusion, what I’m really trying to say is… live and let live and recognize that another person’s hair choice is as much their right as your’s is your’s.  All you’re doing with your judgments and blanket evaluations is repeating what the world has done to “us” concerning our natural hair for centuries, by telling others that they’re “living wrong” if they don’t fit into your preconceived box.  If it was wrong for society to do it to us, what makes you think you’re justified?

Just my buck fiddy.

Not sure whether you’re a Hair Nazi or not?  Well Urban Curlz has put together a “You Might Be a Hair Nazi” list that might help.  Or at least give you a few laughs.

Healthy Hair Wishes,

While taking a spin through my list of Journey Peeps, I happened upon Afrobella’s entry concerning Trya Banks’ Good Hair episode which aired May 12th.  Since I rarely keep up with the latest and greatest in Boob Tube land, I was unaware of the show until today, and when I was made aware of it I thanked all my lucky charms that I did not witness it first hand.  Just the few minutes of clip I caught on AB‘s site was enough to make me want to write Tyra and her producers and ream them for airing such ignorance in the guise of a legitimate issue. What potentially could have been a blockbuster show, beginning with a young woman’s desire to transition to natural after suffering years of damage because of perms and going on into the “meat” of why hair matters so much in the African-American community, went much the same way as the PBS “interview” about Michelle Obama’s impact on black hair issues.  Down in flames, and a lot of commenters on Afrobella‘s site and the Tyra show’s site agree.

First off, Tyra with “for show”  corn rows when her normal style is bone straight lace fronts or hyper teased curly weaves?  Giving consideration to the fact that she was “playing the part” in concert with the topic of the show (as we Archer’s are known to do… although she didn’t pull it off convincingly enough for me) I was able to let that slide, because Tayheedah’s issue was the real topic at hand.  But then Shay got to talking about her “white girl flow” and Ahkia began rattling off a laundry list of adopted stereotypes as to why straight hair is synonymous with good hair, and I began to hear my pulse in my ears.  As if that wasn’t enough, there was only ONE natural sister on the initial panel, and she was so anti-chemical hair altering that you’d have thought the makers of Dark ‘n Lovely had car jacked her on the way to a Black Panther Party.  And hear tell it, the ratio of “naptural” was woefully lacking  in the realm of show guests, with the one sistah I did see (Kelley) sporting locs and possibly as far removed from knowing her hair texture personally as the first two women on the panel.  Again, I am thankful I did not see the show in its entirety, but even the 8.05 minutes that I was witness to was 8.04 minutes too much.

As I look at my calendar yet again to reassure myself this is indeed 2009, the question of why the good hair vs. bad hair topic is still a hot button issue echoed through my gray matter.  And it’s no longer just the Perm & Weave Brigade with their silky tresses who are professing to be on the side of the good while us natural sistahs are on the side of bad.  Nope, the Nappy Nazis  seem to have done a second “n-word” flip and crucifying those who dare pick up the “creamy crack” habit, and are now proclaiming natural good and chemically altered bad. Seems the spin on this one is spinning out of control and it’s really a shame.  Isn’t the fact that anyone has hair when they have it a good thing?  That’s what my Grandude used to always say.  The way I see it, whether hair is kinky and curly, straight and snarly or feather light and fly away, if it grows, is healthy and properly maintained then it’s all good.  Hell, even bald is beautiful if you ask me, but that’s another topic for another day.  So, with all hair being good on it’s own merit, why are we still having this debate with ourselves and the world at large?  And even beyond that, why, even when on such nationally syndicated stations such as NPR and shows as Tyra’s (I think Oprah did a similar show a couple of years ago as well),  why is the surface only skimmed and why are there never any concrete answers that materialize from the discussion?

I personally am sick of it all.  The good hair versus bad hair issue has been going on far too long for us to 1. not take off from the superficial points of it and  dig further to the core of the topic, 2. find reasonable elucidation for carrying this into yet another century, and 3. eradicate it once and for all.  One of my missions while on this journey was to personally understand the history of black hair in America for this very reason.  It has never been my intention to “go natural” for socio-poitical or fashion reasons, but before I could fully understand the process and break away from the stereotypical misconceptions surrounding black hair, I had to properly educate myself.  It was through this process that I was able to break free from the good hair/bad hair stigmas and move into an appreciation for hair period.  To me, how you choose to where your hair is a personal preference, no more linked to racial authentication or self acceptance than the style of clothing we choose to wear. If we are going to partition, let’s do it along the lines of healthy hair vs. unhealthy hair, or healthy self image views vs. unhealthy self image views.  Isn’t that what this really boils down to once we get past the relaxer fumes, tracks, fros and locs.

I would love to see the day when black hair is taken deeper than the tips and on down to the roots.  I will be overjoyed when, since we know where all the hoopla started, we collectively and nationally combine the sides of black hair, and put the division to rest.  Call it a beautiful dream, but I’m sure we can achieve it, once we begin to fully represent what black hair “means” and demand that platforms like The Tyra Banks Show, The Oprah Show and other media mediums do so as well.

Healthy Hair Wishes,